


No one Knows What it's Like To Feel These Feelings Like I do (And I Blame You)

by kinkjongnin



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Oh Sehun, Domestic, Eventual Smut, First Time, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Top Kim Jongin | Kai, two dumb boys literally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 22:46:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16273937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinkjongnin/pseuds/kinkjongnin
Summary: Sehun has never been like others. He always liked different things; the ones that were unique. In movies he always preferred the less liked characters to the main roles. But when it came to Kim Jongin he wanted him as much as everyone else.





	No one Knows What it's Like To Feel These Feelings Like I do (And I Blame You)

**Author's Note:**

> a domestic college!AU angst with a portion of smut..

He met Jongin when he transferred to the high school in Seoul. Sehun felt lonely. People easily pissed him off especially when they only gossiped about this one kid called Kim Jongin. He didn’t get what was so impressive about the boy and why everyone was so head over the heels for him. He got the answer the second week into his schedule when a tall boy came late to their biology classes and apologized to Sehun about thousand times because they got paired up together for a class project. He immediately offered his help and decided to do the rest alone since Sehun has already done enough. He somehow impressed Sehun, he didn’t know why, he could only guess. Maybe it was honesty, his energy or just his beautiful smile that could never be forgotten.

The second time when Sehun’s heartbeat became faster because of Kim Jongin was a half year later when during their lunch break Sehun got totally lost because his only friend Baekhyun got sick and he didn’t have anyone to stick to during lunch. Sighing heavily he was ready to leave the canteen but a loud scream of his name made him freeze in place.

,,Oh Sehun, you bastard! You’ve been ignoring me for six months and now you won’t even sit next to me during the lunch when the only free place is next to mine?” He turned around and saw this beautiful boy pouting in a way that made Sehun’s stomach knot and heart clench. He was adorable. Without looking around he made his way towards Jongin and sat next to him clearing his throat silently.

,,That’s better.” He smiled widely giving away his orange juice to Sehun who just hid his face in his hands embarrassed.

,,You could be more discrete, you know?”

,,Well, sorry.” He giggled making Sehun look up at him. ,,I just missed talking to you.”

,,You did?”

,,I did.” He smiled sipping on his milk. ,,And you weren’t reacting to my stares or any kind of disturbing during the classes so I had no choice.”

,,So it was you? You’re so dead Kim Jongin.”

Jongin said nothing. He just smiled and blushed stuffing his mouth with a portion of rice.

 

That’s how they ended up at the same university living together. Sehun was aware of his feelings that seemed to get out of control. He knew he was in love with Jongin but he was also sure that the other one saw him just as a friend. It hurt Sehun a bit but still, he wanted his best friend to be happy, so he could bare his broken heart as long as Jongin was giving him this beautiful smile every day.

His jealousy stood out when flustered Jongin entered their room once and asked Sehun for help because he got asked out. Of course it hurt Sehun inside like hell but with a smile he stood up and gave Jongin some tips and tricks for his outfit. Then excusing himself he laid back face hidden in pillows to hide his teary eyes.

 

He got used to Jongin going out on dates. The pain was still there but it started to feel almost numb. He tried to convince himself that it was for Jongin’s good and that Jongin was happy so he should also support his relationship. But when one night _his_ Jongin came back with tears streaming down his face and he threw himself on Sehun’s bed hugging him like he was the last portion of air in the world Sehun knew he was going to protect Jongin from every single guy that came around him.

So he was the perfect friend for the next six months, he tried everything to cheer Jongin up. He brought a lot of food every Friday night for their movie marathons. He made everything so Jongin would forget about his broken heart. He also had some hope that Jongin would look at him differently. But it never happened. He was _still_ just a friend.

 

When their summer holidays came to the end Sehun has decided to finally give up on Jongin. His family made him understand that he wasn’t happy. They noticed how miserable he got and for once he decided to trust them on that. He himself didn’t feel okay.

He dyed his hair a rich brown color, he exchanged his favorite baggy trousers for the skinny ones and filled his wardrobe with more leather jackets instead of cozy sweaters. And most importantly he tossed Jongin away from his head and _heart_. Or at least he thought he did.

 

He came back at the campus getting all the attention he wasn’t actually that keen on. Catching a glimpse of Jongin’s confused expression he entered the student’s house and headed to their room to unpack his bags.

He turned around when he heard the door shutting, smiling slightly at the same time greeting his friend and trying to stop his heart from thumping this loud inside his chest.

_It all seemed easy when he wasn’t around._

,,You’ve…Changed.” Jongin finally said eyeing Sehun up and down. ,,Or you’re just Sehun’s hot twin brother he’s never mentioned to me.”

,,Jongin, I’ve always been hot.”

,,Nah, you’ve been just cute before.” He laughed catching Sehuns pillow that was thrown in his direction. ,,Why a sudden change, tho?”

,,I don’t know.” He shrugged placing last pile of t-shirts in a wardrobe then sitting on his bed and smiling softly at Jongin. ,,I think I just got bored of my old me.”

Jongin sighed and searched through the hangers immediately grimacing at the amount of leather.

,,You threw away all your cozy sweaters. How am I supposed to stay alive during the winter now?”

A loud laugh resonated inside the room making Jongin giggle and focus his gaze on Sehun. He sat down next to him and patted his shoulder getting his friend’s attention immediately.

,,You wanna hang out today?”

,,Sorry I’m already seeing Baekhyun in an hour.” He sighed looking away because he knew if he looked and Jongin right now he would loose all his control. His smell itself was alluring and was hazing his mind.

,,Oh yeah, sure.” Ne nodded disappointed hanging his head low. ,,You know I just got the appointment at the hairdresser too. And I thought you could be my company. But I understand.”

Sehun hated the feeling of guilt especially when it came to Jongin; he hated seeing him miserable and now he was the one who made his  crush best friend sad. Panicking a bit he combed his long fingers through his hair licking his lips.

,,Well, it’s going to be a nice surprise, don’t you think? I’m already looking forward to it.”

,,You are?” His head shot up and a huge smile plastered on Jongin’s face melted Sehun’s heart a little.

 

He walked along with Baekhyun and Chanyeol talking about their holiday memories laughing uncontrollably every five minutes. Sehun smiled at their friends who were walking side by side, their fingers tangled together. It was a wonderful feeling, seeing your friends happy. He only wished he and Jongin could be like this as well, you know walking carelessly, holding hands, kissing and hugging. The more he tried to get rid of the feeling the more it hurt and the more it held onto his heart.

Throwing away his empty cup to the trash bin Sehun bumped into a tall boy with ashy blonde hair, cursing under his breath at his clumsiness.

,,I’m so-What the hell?” He mumbled to himself as the scent was painfully familiar, mixed with some hair styling product and a different shampoo, but Sehun for sure knew whose perfumes he could smell on the boy.

,,Hello to you to?” Jongin raised his brow turning around to face Sehun.

,,Jesus, how hot can you even get?” He said out loud immediately regretting it as a confused expression mixed with a flush or pink color on Jongin’s face. _Was he flustered?_

,,I guess you like the surprise then?” He cleared his throat looking away as his cheeks started to burn uncomfortably. Sehun just nodded.

 

,,You’re going with me?” He asked entering their room and tossing his books on his desk. ,,Jong-shit.” He breathed out sitting down on Jonging’s bead and bending over his body to place his hand on his friend’s forehead. ,,You have a fever. Kim Jongin, why didn’t you call me?”

,,I’m fine.” He whispered exhausted sneezing afterwards. ,,I found some medicine, I’m already feeling better.”

,,Well it doesn’t look like it.” He sighed standing up and heading to the bathroom to prepare come cold water and clean towels. His heart clenched when he looked over at Jongin, all weak and fragile at the moment. Sehun felt like crying. He couldn’t stand seeing the love of his life struggling like that. You may think he’s overreacting. Flu isn’t the end of the world but to Sehun if Jongin was just tired, he would panic and feel terrible because _Jongin doesn’t deserve this._

,,You wanted to go somewhere with me today?” He asked his voice quiet and weak when Sehun placed one of the cold compresses on his forehead.

,,Yeah, a party but there is no way I’m go-’’

,,Sehun.” He grimaced turning his face a little so he could look straight at his friend. ,,Please go. I’ll be fine. I’m not a baby.”

,,But you are, you are my baby.” He whined pouting a little making Jongin laugh at the same time.

,,As far as I remember, I’m the older one in this relationship.”

Sehun’s heart stopped just to start beating twice as fast. He knew the meaning of their relationship but it still sounded so weird when Jongin said that. So surreal.

,,Just by a couple of months.” He mumbled embarrassed his cheeks heating up a little.

After an hour of convincing, two wet towels thrown at the wall and one successfully at Sehun’s face he finally got out of the room and headed to the dorm opposite theirs.

 

Jongin knew something was not right. The fact that he and Sehun started growing apart faster than he could manage to keep their friendship alive frustrated him. Despite the fact he got a lot of people around him he felt lonely, like a part of him was missing. He didn’t know what did he do wrong, because it had to be his fault, he thought. It was Sehun who started avoiding him and it was Sehun who started hanging out with random people instead of him. It hurt like crazy knowing that the only person whom you trusted unconditionally just tossed you away like a piece of trash.

Entering their room Jongin furrowed his brows adjusting his sight to the darkness then keeping his gaze at Sehun who was sitting in front of a window and smoking a cigarette.

,,Could you stop smoking inside. It stinks.” He mumbled starting to fold his laundry. He could feel his friend’s intense gaze on him. He didn’t have to turn around to know that Sehun was staring at him. The uncomfortable but at the same time wonderful feeling was well known to Jongin. He could identify it even during his sleep.

,,You lost weight. You look terrible.”

,,Don’t sound like you care.” He snorted, wiping away his tears as he felt wetness on his cheeks. His weakness was the last thing he wanted Sehun to notice.

,,I do. Stop acting like I mean nothing to you.” 

,,Jesus Christ, Sehun, you mean the world to me!” He screamed facing the other boy leaving him a little bit taken aback. ,,But you’ve never noticed! Then you started ignoring me. I feel like shit, like a piece of trash you tossed away. I am sorry, I don’t know what for but it has to be my fault since you decided to break our friendship. And you know what, since you probably hate me and I don’t actually care anymore I want to tell you something.” He sniffed coming closer to Sehun who couldn’t dare to interrupt Jongin at this moment. He’s never seen him like this and he was afraid if he said something, he would destroy everything. ,,I love you. Yeah, sounds ridiculous, right? So stupid.” He laughed turning away once again. ,,I’ve had a crush on you since high school. I thought it would go away but no. I’ve just fallen for you like a complete idiot when you took care of me after my first breakup. You were there for me no matter what and I just couldn’t help it. It just happened. You know I even wanted to tell you this back then but unfortunately you started to act like an arsehole and you decided to end our friendship in the most painful way possible.” He sighed taking a pile of clothes in his hands giving Sehun a sad look. ,,I might be changing university soon so you don’t need to worry. I’ll move out so it won’t-’’

,,You what?” He finally interrupted him taking a few steps to stand right in front of Jongin who didn’t dare to look up at Sehun.

,,I’m moving-’’

,,No, not that. The other thing you said before that.”

,,Have you been even listening to me?” He furrowed his eyebrows feeling anger rising inside him.

,,Say this again looking straight into my eyes, Jongin.”

Taking a deep breath he blinked away his tears and looked up meeting unsure gaze which made his heart sink in his chest.

,,I love you Sehun. And I can’t help it but fall for you more and more every day despite the fact you are a d-’’

A trembling pair of lips interrupted his words kissing him slowly and delicately like he was the most precious thing in the world; like he might just disappear in a second. Jongin sighed relieved tossing away his clothes and wrapping his arms around Sehun’s neck deepening the kiss, letting the other know that it was more than okay. He wanted to show Sehun that everything he said was true. He put every single emotion into the sloppy kiss, every moment of pain when he felt rejected, every second of happiness, every day of his heart growing with love and beating faster just when Sehun was around. Jongin didn’t want to hide anything.

Sighing into the kiss he started moving forward guiding the other boy to his bed pecking his lips just a little bit more before Sehun sat down on the duvets and placed Jongin comfortably on his lap, his both hands roaming the older’s sides.

,,I’ve never wanted anyone more than you, Jongin.” He whispered looking up and locking their gazes. ,,I was frustrated, desperate even. I’ve never been the type to follow the crowd. I've always been that different one. But then I met you and you destroyed my life in the most beautiful way possible. I know it sounds ridiculous, I know. But I do not regret loving you, Jongin. I do not regret falling for you like 99% of our community. I might be ordinary because of that. But still I would never exchange you for anything.” Sighing he closed his eyes leaning into Jongin’s hand peacefully placed on Sehun’s cheek, stroking it gently. Then a small smile showed up on Sehun’s lips when the other boy started placing soft butterfly kisses all over his face. The amount of affection was almost too overwhelming and Sehun could tell that if he looked up at Jongin now he would burst into tears almost immediately.

Leaning down he placed his hands on Jongin’s back, smoothly putting them under his tee shivering at the contact of his cold fingers with Jongin’s burning skin. Locking their lips together again he started exploring the older’s body deciding it was ten times better than when he was just dreaming about it. He’s never imagined his friend’s skin being this soft, this hot, this beautiful up close and under his fingerprints; he just loved the way it felt. Not thinking too much Sehun started to lift the cotton material up revealing more of the delicious natural tan that he was always jealous about. He didn’t understand Jongin complaining about his darker complexion; it only made him sexier if that’s even possible. Moaning into his friend’s lips Sehun arched his back when the friction between their clothed members appeared and started building in his stomach in very pleasurable feeling. He knew he wanted it, he wanted to give himself to Jongin. It was the only thing he’s wished for since he discovered he was totally head over the heals for his best friend. Relaxing and deepening the kiss Sehun started moving his hips against Jongin’s receiving a hot moan in approval. Jongin’s lips kissed Sehun hungrily while his hands tried to get rid of Sehun’s painfully tight jeans. Cursing under his breath the older boy sat up and angrily pushed the fabric down being one hundred percent sure that he heard some of the clothing ripping in an unidentified place. But he couldn’t care less right now. He bent down and started kissing Sehun’s sides, leaving soft touches of his lips in the most sensitive places he could think of. Brushing his warm and plump mouth against the band of Sehun’s boxers he looked up just to see the other boy watching him intensely and if it wasn’t for the impatient movements of his hips Jongin was one hundred percent sure he would get lost in the mesmerizing dark gaze. Smirking a little he moved up, giggling when he heard a disappointed squirm. Taking Sehun’s t-shirt between his teeth he lifted it up revealing his pale chest, his hands placing on the other male’s stomach, gently creasing it.

,,You are so beautiful, you know?” He smiled down at him moving his finger up to play with Sehun’s nipples before teasing them with his tongue. ,,So beautiful.” He whispered blowing a warm air at the red buds feeling his friend shiver at his moves, holding back a moan.

Leaning over he reached to the nightstand taking out a bottle of lube and pack of condoms, throwing it next to Sehun. He ordered him to sit up so he could get rid of his t-shirt, immediately stopping him when he tried to undress Jongin.

,,Not yet.” He smiled kissing Sehun’s pout away and laying him down again. He moved his kisses down to his jawline and neck, creating a trail of red marks that would bruise beautifully at least for a weak. The contrast between Sehun’s complexion and the shade of the love bites was something Jongin couldn’t explain by just using words. It was more than beautiful to him and he loved the fact that he was the one who made them. Kissing Sehun’s chest he spent some time again teasing and playing with his nipples this time receiving a series of beautiful moans of his name. Jongin decided he loved it even more than the love bites.

Slowly, his lips still not leaving Sehun’s body, he took off his boxers leaving the other boy completely exposed to him. Sighing and smiling at the beautiful sight in front of him Jongin leaned down leaving delicate kisses on the insides of Sehun’s thighs decorating them with matching red marks to the ones on his neck.

Fisting the sheets the other boy opened his lips moaning shamelessly at the sensation that run down his spine sending more of that pleasure to his member making it painfully hard.

,,Jongin please, do something. Touch me no-ow!” He cried out arching his as the warm mouth sucked the tip of his member licking the precum teasingly. Reaching down to fist his hand in Jongin’s hair he pushed his hips slightly forward pushing his member further into Jongin’s mouth only whimpering at the coldness of lube and the feeling of one finger comfortably being pushed inside. Breathing heavily he tried to focus on both _ends_ but he barely could keep up with one source of pleasure he was receiving. He was a mess and he knew he wouldn’t last long if Jongin kept fingering and sucking him off at the same time.

,,J-jongin p-please, just stretch me. I won’t last long if you-fuck!” He moaned loudly at the sensation of the second finger stretching him at the same time brushing against his prostate making his whole body shiver. ,,J-jongin! P-please.” He mewled trying to stop the overwhelming pleasure taking control over his mind and body.

He sighed relieved when the other boy released his member and added the third finger instead, stretching Sehun slowly and making sure he’s not in any sort of a pain. Even tho it felt terrible, Sehun knew that soon he would be rewarded with a wave of pleasure again. Breathing heavily he licked his lips and managed to open his eyes and look up at Jongin who was so focused on making Sehun feel good that he didn’t even notice the younger’s hand wrapped around his wrist.

,,Enough, I’m ready.” He exhaled sharply making Jongin jump in place and stiffen a little bit.

,,Sehun, are you sure about it? We can…We can just finish like that. I don’t…” He sighed feeling embarrassed. ,,I don’t actually know what to do. It’s my first time I don’t want to disappoint you. I might not be as good as…”

,,Jongin, I haven’t done it yet either.” He whispered his eyes not leaving the other male even for a minute. ,,I made out at those parties, yes. But I’ve never had sex...Blowjob or a hand job even.”

,,So you’re really mine?”

,,One hundred percent.” He reassured him with a smile, pulling him closer and locking their lips in a passionate kiss, wrapping his arms around Jongin’s waist.

Sehun watched the other boy carefully as he stroked his length a couple of times before reaching out for a condom. Biting his lip the younger male stopped him and threw the packet away lacing their finger instead.

,,No condom, please?” He smiled innocently and Jongin couldn’t help but giggle leaning over to peck Sehun’s cheeks.

,,You have no idea how much I love you, Oh Sehun.”

,,I think I do.” He sighed not being able to tear his gaze away from the beautiful sight in front of him.

He laid down relaxed waiting for Jongin to lube himself, smile not leaving his lips even for a second. He wasn’t scared. He was excited; he knew he wanted this more than anything in the world.

Giving up into the soft kiss he forgot about the reality surrounding him. A warm tongue softly licking his lower lip was a wonderful distraction to the pain of the stretch and he knew Jongin did that on purpose. Well, Sehun would be lying if he said he wasn’t thankful. After a couple of minutes of kissing and staying in the same position the younger male nodded, pressing their foreheads together, letting a loud moan of Jongin’s name escape his swollen lips. It felt good already and Sehun couldn’t even imagine how the hell it was supposed to feel even better. Rolling his hips down to meet Jongin’s he slid his hand down the tanned back clenching it ate the side, slightly digging his nails into the skin when an unexpected thrill rushed through his whole body.

,,Are you okay?” A question mixed with a moan filled the room and eyes filled with concern scanned over Sehun’s face painted with nothing but bliss and pleasure.

,,Jesus, yes. Do that again. I don’t know what it was but it was fucking-fuck!” He cried out when Jongin hit his prostate again the tempo of his movements still painfully slow. ,,Faster, fuck.” He moaned digging his fingers harder into the other one’s hip decorating it with small bruises.

Sehun threw his head back not even trying to hold his moans back or at least reduce them to quiet whimpers. He didn’t care if the whole campus could hear them. He felt amazing and the person who did him feel that way was the love of his life so there was no chance he would ever shut up about it.

,,Fuck, Sehun it feels so good.” He moaned into his ear, picking up the pace his thrusts becoming rougher. Locking their lips in a sloppy kiss Sehun laced their fingers together, squeezing Jongin’s hand tight when the boy hit his prostate form a different angle this time.

,,I’m close.” He breathed out, trying to open his eyes and focus on the beautiful face right in front of him. He met Jongin’s gaze and shivered at the intensity and darkness of his eyes. It was something he has never seen in his best friend before but he had to admit it was hot and he would literally kill to see him like that again.

With a loud cry of Jongin’s name Sehun came undone not being able to hold himself back his heart stopping at the sight of Jongin releasing into him, head tilted back and his plump lips opened to slip out a loud moan of pleasure.

Not even bothered by the mess between them Sehun wrapped his arms around the other boy plying lazily with his hair while they tried to catch their breaths. He couldn’t help but smile at the warm feeling in his heart spreading incredibly fast to every corner of his body.

,,Wait for me here.” Jongin said finally, smiling and standing up trying to ignore Sehun’s cute whine but the quiet giggle escaping his throat was just inescapable.

He tried to be as quick as possible, dampening a clean towel and leaving wet tracks on the bathroom floor he came back in less than a minute to clean Sehun’s stomach and some other parts of his body covered with white semen. Throwing the fabric away he laid down aging and covered them with a blanket to keep them warm while they cuddled and smiled at each other like stupid teenagers.

,,So I can officially call you my boyfriend now?” Jongin sighed with a loving smile pecking Sehun’s nose and combing back a couple of strands that fell on the younger’s forehead.

,,Sehun you dickhe-oh fuck.” Chanyeol stopped in the middle of his way eyes widening with confusion as the two cuddled boys stared at him unimpressed waiting for their friend to leave and give them some privacy. ,,Baekhyun, Sehun slept with Jongin! Baekhyun!” He ran out of the room making the both of the males laugh as they heard the tall man stumbling over something in the hall.

,,I think now you have no choice, boyfriend.” Sehun smiled widely kissing Jongin again, cause _damn_ , he’s _never going to get bored of those lips._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for loving my previous work (I Can Get Pregnant). I am really happy you enjoyed it!


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